Cold Feet

(Post instalment backdated to 6th July 2022)

I know, dear reader, I know what you’re thinking…

“Cold feet – ARE YOU JOKING?! You’ve done nothing but fucking moan for the last 5 months about making it to this point and now you’re getting cold feet?!?!?!”

I want to reassure you that no, I’m not regretting our decision to move house nor move away. But I have been feeling VERY emotional about it and I feel like I really do understand now, more than I ever have, the concept of cold feet.

Emotional Overload

As I said in my previous post, this last week or so, we’ve really begun to make some serious headway in packing up the house ready for the move. And I’ve been wondering quietly to myself why I feel more emotional than usual at the minute. It was only when I was out at a gig with my Dad that I realised. These feelings of anxiety, sadness, and worry coincided almost immediately with the day we began to pack up our house. The main room in the house now has no artwork left on the walls, no trinkets or photos hanging anywhere, and it is bare. It doesn’t even resemble our former living room anymore, it’s absolutely crazy to see it looking so vacant and unhomely. It is the first time it’s really hit me that we are indeed moving away, leaving our beloved home, and I guess the emotion has just got to me a little bit.

But it isn’t even just the house. It is absolutely daft shit too that I would never have expected to make me feel emotional.

I randomly drove past our local KFC and my mind took me back to all the times in lockdown I would walk past it on the world’s most boring walk, because I could no longer go down my beloved Reddish Vale, because it was too full of people because the first lockdown meant that people discovered that local nature reserves exist. It’s mad to think I won’t do that walk anymore.

I found myself feeling weirdly nostalgic driving around Reddish, remembering how when I moved here 10 years ago I didn’t ever know where I was going. It was the realisation that soon, all these roads that I have gotten to know over the last ten years like the back of my hand would be replaced with another set of unknown roads, just like these were when I moved here, and I would once again need to orientate myself in a new area and surroundings.

This one was to be expected, but I found myself crying on the way to doggy daycare one day recently when I realised that I don’t think I’ll ever find any other daycare provider that I would trust with my baby like I do Olivia’s Doggy Daycare. Riley has been going there for 7 years, and I love the team so much and I know how much they adore Riley. I think I will be inconsolable on the last day Riley is in.

Cold Feet

So yes, dear reader, whilst I don’t regret our decision to move away, I am experiencing a whole host of emotions surrounding our upcoming move. We’re moving to a brand new place, we know nobody or nothing about the place. But I have to keep reminding myself that we do know about the place, because we chose to live there! We have driven over those ways a million times over the last couple of months and we have been so excited to finally live somewhere that’s a little less like endless suburbia, and a little more green, with roaming farmers’ fields, lots of space, a much bigger house, and an abundance of fresh air.

And whilst I’m finding myself emotional about leaving our home behind, I’m also unbelievably excited for what is to come. I’m excited for this new chapter of our lives, I’m excited to have a beautiful house with a lot more space, and to be honest, I’m just excited for a bit of a change and something new in our lives!

I suppose this is just another part of the emotional rollercoaster that has been our house move for the last 5 months, and something I will need to adapt to. One minute I’m up, the next I’m down, the next I’m crying over a fucking KFC.

I am just finding it a very weird thing to contemplate, that after 14 years in Manchester, 10 years here in Reddish, in just a few weeks this place will no longer be my home. But I am excited about what is to come, in my new home, and the memories that will be made there!

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